This was in the email this morning. It's vaguely food-related so I'll share it. h/t Joe:
A couple had only been married for two weeks. The husband, although very much in love, couldn't wait to go out on the town and party with his old buddies. So, he said to his new wife, "Honey, I'll be right back."
Where are you going, Coochy Coo?" asked the wife.
"I'm going to the bar, Pretty Face. I'm going to have a beer."
The wife said, "You want a beer, my love?" She opened the door to the refrigerator and showed him 25 different kinds of beer, brands from 12 different countries: Germany, Holland, Japan, India, etc.
The husband didn't know what to do, and the only thing that he could think of saying was, "Yes, Lollipop... but at the bar... you know... they have frozen glasses... " He didn't get to finish the sentence, because the wife interrupted him by saying, "You want a frozen glass, Puppy Face?"
She took a huge beer mug out of the freezer, so frozen that she was getting chills just holding it.
The husband, looking a bit pale, said, "Yes, Tootsie Roll, but at the bar they have those hors d'oeuvres that are really delicious... I won't be long. I'll be right back. I promise. OK?"
"You want hors d'oeuvres, Poochie Pooh?" She opened the oven and took out 5 dishes of different hors d'oeuvres: chicken wings, pigs in blankets, mushroom caps, and pork strips.
"But my sweet honey... at the bar.... you know ...there's swearing, dirty words and all that..."
"You want dirty words, Cutie Pie?...
"LISTEN UP D#$KHEAD! SIT DOWN, SHUT THE H*LL UP, DRINK YOUR D&MN BEER IN YOUR D&MN FROZEN MUG AND EAT YOUR F@#%ING HORS 'OEUVRES BECAUSE YOUR MARRIED A$$ ISN'T GOING TO NO F@#%ING BAR! THAT S%$T IS OVER...GOT IT, A$$HOLE?"
...and they lived happily ever after. Isn't that a sweet story?
Wish I had the beer variety and frozen mugs....
What's wrong with pigs in the blankets and pork strips?
The only thing wrong with pigs in blankets and pork strips would be not having them...